Don't Forget!

Carson is doing great with no fever since very early Monday morning. He has finished the Tamiflu and even returned to preschool yesterday. Thanks everyone for the prayers and kind messages these last few days.

Others are not so lucky and I find myself again in that strange predicament of celebrating one thing and mourning another simultaneously. There has been a lot of bad news from our small Northern Virginia pediatric cancer world in the last few weeks...young lives lost, relapses, reports of treatments that aren't working. So much pain I've come in contact with this last month alone; I can hardly stand it!

It may be the lack of sunshine here in January, darkening my state of mind to something like that black snow I now see along the sides of the road. But I know it is more than that. It's a conviction, a conviction to cry out to all of you and say "REACH OUT!" Continue the support to those you know who are in crisis, those passing through, and those coming out on the other side. Don't forget them! Cancer, death, major surgery, the diagnosis of a chronic condition, need support that lasts over time. Reach out to them in some way, in any way you can.

Won't you come along with Paul and I as we are taking steps to follow this in our own life? (more to come on that later) We wouldn't ask this if we weren't willing to do the same.

In the meantime, think about a few messages posted on the DC Candlelighters website. It is from families who are facing cancer, but it can be applied to lots of other situations too.

Messages from cancer families (What they want to say to you but probably won't)

• Don't take "no, we don't need any help" from a family as their final response - ask again. Don't say, "Well, call us if you need something" because we probably won't call. We are not used to needing help from others and do not know (1) that we need it and (2) how to say yes. If you really mean it when you say you want to help, please come up with your own ideas, such as "I'd like to mow your grass" or "I will babysit (the younger sibling(s) if any) this week-end" or "I will be snow-blowing your drive-way for the season" or "Let me stay with your son overnight at the hospital so you can get some rest at home" or 'I will drive your other children to school/pick them up from school for the next few weeks to help you out.' And if you make such an offer and we refuse, we may be refusing because we really don't need help like that at the moment, but please, please call back in a week or two and try again.

• I think what most folks forget is that this is SUCH a LONG term family problem. Meals and help the first few weeks are nice....but we're dealing with stuff that will last one to several years. It's easy to fade out of the picture. Emotional support is CRUCIAL for the family - for the entire time our child is in treatment. Just make a point to call, once a week or every two weeks. Parents of cancer kids lose some of their former friends and get distanced from their relatives. Please just let us know you're still thinking of us, praying for our child, sending good thoughts and not just the first few weeks or months; but throughout the years that we may be enduring this.

• People just don't know what to say...so they don't call. It's a horrible feeling to feel like you have the plague or something. We need friends that just call for no reason! And you don't have to say anything. Just call and say "I've been thinking about you." That leaves it wide open for me to say "I'm so glad you called, let me tell you about..." or "This really isn't a good time, but I'm so glad you called." At least we know you called and you care. And that means more than anything.